The Worst People in the World

I hate self-righteous people. They are always such prudes, judging me for every little mistake I make.

The only people worse than self-righteous people are sinners.

Man, I hate those people even more.

The Final Solution

So, I just moved into a family (non-singles) ward and after several Sacrament Meetings, an idea for a great new invention screamed into my ear.

Baby Sleeping Pills.

Think of it. No more crying or annoying children. Parents will be able to focus on the speakers and the messages in Church, rather than babysitting their kids. Who wouldn't love this?

And of course, parents can help their kids at night, the best time for sleeping (I hear.) Nothing is more frustrating than trying to get babies to sleep through the night. Many a father and mother have suffered through painfully tired days as a result of restless infants.

Baby Sleeping Pills are the answer.
(Not trees)

Staying Grounded

People always bring up certain laws that we are supposed to keep, such as the Law of Chastity and the Law of Tithing. It's disheartening to focus on those kinds of laws, because I break them so often.

I prefer to emphasize my perfect record obeying the Law of Gravity.

That's something that not even the angels of heaven can say. They have no regard for that law.

So, what gives, Gabriel? What's the matter, Moroni? C'mon fellas, keep your feet on the ground for once.

Correction

It has recently been brought to my attention that I got the title of Gordon B. Hinckley's book wrong. His book is called "Standing For Something." And that's important, too.

For example, what does I stand for? Some people say inspiration, but I say individuality. Actually it can stand for a lot of things. Maybe the book should be called "Standing For Everything."

I still don't understand the point of his book.